Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize