I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
