I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
