thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
