it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
