so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
