Are we in a gay sports bar?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
