I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
