Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
