The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
