i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
