Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
