i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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