mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
soo... how was my night?
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