Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
