didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
