If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
