Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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