my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize