this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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