addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we made out on top of his cat.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize