He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
