She said her name was "party"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize