I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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