Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
