Reggie can tackle my bush.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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