life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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