I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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