Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
