I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
