sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
