goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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