Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think your dad took our porno
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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