I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
