1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
