yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
