Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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