Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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