We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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