my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
