great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
