I like to think it a success when the cops are called
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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