i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
