wanna go halves on a baby?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
