My cat gives me a boner
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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