Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The adults are the big ones right?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
