I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
