i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
be right there i have to get my cape
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
