I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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