thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
