I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
