so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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