Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i now understand why vodka
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
