she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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