I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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