don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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