I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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