are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
