That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You smell like stripper and shame
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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