can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
