I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
