also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
