You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
