Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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