i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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