You're completely useless in the revolution.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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