i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
