Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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